When my ex-husband and I starting dating, he had a beautiful daughter who was just turning one. At the time, I thought I didn't want to have children of my own. But I was excited to be a part of her life. Honestly I fell in love with her before I fell in love with her dad!
Being a part of her life is what convinced me that I wanted to have my own little kiddos. She was with us several days a week and we included her in everything we could. I think it helped because I had a friendly relationship with her mom also. I know I wasn't a perfect step mom, but I tried my best. We never fought much and never really went through a phase where we didn't get along. As she became a teenager, she pulled away a little but I figured that was normal. Looking back now, I'm sure she knew that her dad and I weren't getting along. Her and her dad have always been very close.
When our marriage ended, I know I began pulling away from her. I was afraid she would take her dad's side and I didn't know what she was hearing from him. But most of all, I pulled away because I knew I'd eventually lose her. Once my ex got his own place and would only be here when he picked up the kids- that meant I wouldn't be seeing her very much. I felt her pull away from me too and it just broke my heart. On top of the obvious break up awkwardness, she was also introduced to the new woman her dad was seeing. I'll admit that I was embarrassed, jealous, angry and scared of being replaced.
I asked her dad several times how he thought I should handle the situation. He said it was between her and I, and he wasn't getting involved. I was clueless!! I felt like I wasn't good enough at being an adult to handle it. Adulting is not always my strong suit!! But one day I decided to put on my step mom big girl panties and take the leap. I text her and apologized for pushing her away and I admitted to her that I just didn't know the best way to handle the situation. She told me that she had felt the same way and just didn't know how to act towards me either. I think it was natural for us to distance ourselves from each other because it was just an odd situation. I told her that I would always consider her partly mine and that I hoped I could remain part of her life. She told me that she'd always consider me part of her family. To say the least, a huge weight was lifted off my heart and I felt like now we had jumped over this hurdle.
My stepdaughter is a beautiful, amazing, sweet and hilarious young lady! She is turning 14 in less than 2 weeks, which breaks my heart! I've watched her and been there as she's grown up into such a great person! She has been an outstanding big sister since the day each of my children were born and continues to be now. The kids and I are so lucky to have this kooky and wonderful girl as a part of our lives! And I am so lucky that she is understanding enough to see that I didn't always handle things like an expert, but I'm doing my best now.
Since the night I text her to apologize, we have actually grown closer! She knows how much I love her and that I don't want to lose her. Whatever happens in her dad's life, I know that her and I will remain friends. That's the key to our relationship right now, friendship and love! You divorce spouses, not kids! They have no control over being brought into a marriage or being taken out of a marriage. You can't blame them for how they choose to react to the situation. They are just as confused and unsure as we are and trying to handle things the best way they know how. So the only advice I will give anyone in a similar situation is just to talk to them. If you have a good relationship with them, you can discuss things with them and decide how to deal with it. Don't turn your back on them out of anger or fear. It will be awkward sometimes, but you can get through it together!!
I hope you all enjoyed this post and I truly hope I've helped at least one person who may be going through the same struggles right now! Thanks so much for reading and I'd love to have you follow my blog, or follow me on social media! Have a great day and be kind to yourself!!
Beautiful
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