Parenting During A Divorce

The biggest goal I have right now is trying not to scar my kids for life during our divorce! But exactly what's the best way to handle it?

Recently I heard a quote on a TV show and it hit home! "I wasn't a good wife, but I'm a good mom". I plan to stay a good mom. I can't claim that I've handled things perfectly up till now, but I intend to do better from now on. I know the basics. Don't fight in front of the kids. Don't talk bad, to your kids, about the other parent. Try to be a team when parenting.

Divorce is hard on everyone, and the kids are hurting too. They're probably scared and unsure about what will happen in the future. Take your kids' ages into account. My 3 year old doesn't really know what's happening, but even he has questions. But you also have to consider your child's personality when answering their questions. My 7 year old daughter understands more about what's happening, but she's extremely sensitive.  She's also very smart, observant and precocious.

Right now I'm focusing on trying to stick to our routine the best I can. Their dad works 60-70 hours a week, so they're used to him not being home a lot. But he comes over almost everyday to see them. They don't ask "where's daddy" too often though. What broke my heart the most was the first time my daughter said we weren't a family anymore. I explained that we're still a family, just the look of our family has changed.

Since my kiddos are with me basically 24/7 right now, I feel like I have to be the one dealing with the majority of their questions and sometimes that's frustrating. But I just remind myself to look at things from their point of view. And be honest, but not always brutally honest. They don't need to know too many details.  It's not their divorce.  What they need to know, more than anything else, is that you and your ex still love them more than anything!!

Right now, their dad and I, are co-parenting the best we can. But remember, if you had differences in parenting before the divorce-they will probably seem a lot more extreme now. But make sure you don't make the kids feel guilty for loving both of you equally. Your kids are not a competition! Give them your full attention and don't try to buy or demand their affection! Make sure they know you're there for them, no matter what happens and that you're there to support them the best you can.

In order to take care of your kids, you have to take care of yourself too! Physically, psychologically and emotionally. If you feel like you or your kids need extra help, get it! There's no shame in needing help. Whether it's for advice or someone to talk to or vent to. At the beginning, I admit, I felt like I was failing my kids. I felt like I was such a wreck and so scared, that I wasn't doing my best for my precious kiddos. But I tried to put on my strong, happy face and carry on like it was any other day. Sometimes I succeeded, other times not so much. But I always made sure I was there for them, any way they needed me to be. I tried to keep them occupied as much as I could. We did lots of crafts, projects and cooking together. It was good for all of us! It kept our minds occupied  and strengthened our bond.

Just do your best, that's all we can truly ask of ourselves. Sometimes you'll have to play it by ear or wing it, but just remember to do what's best for them!! Have faith in yourself as a parent and be kind to them! They're already upset and confused, don't add to their stress.

Thanks, as always, for reading. Please leave a comment or feel free to private message me. My email and Facebook  are on my contact page. I'd really love to hear from you! Be kind to yourselves and to others!